Category Archives: Reassembling

Mastectomy: A Flowering Phoenix Rising

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Photograph and poem and reading by Dan Windisch January 2, 2019

Click the play button above to hear the poem as read by the author Dan Windisch. You can follow along as you listen with the photos and poem below! This is part of my book “Alpha Martin and Omega Steed” available as an 8 1/2×11″ full color book on Amazon.com. Search for Dan Windisch on Amazon if you are interested in the book.
  • Photo for Mastectomy Poem.
Paradox and pain
 Who am I without my breasts?
 A woman? Not?
 Me? Not?
 Who am I now?

 Life or death, keep my Breast?
  
 The easy smiling soft colored blondish woman
 in the lightly red green and white faded loose cotton top,
 Smiled gently and moved with ease
 In our meditation workshop at Hollyhock.
  
 She stood out in her quiet gentle beauty.
 ————
 Evening in the hot tub.
  
 Naked we sat
 as the golden sun set
 over shining blue waters.
  
 Naked
 she enters our waters.
  
 Flat chested with a scar on one side,
 and a tattoo of a pink carnation,
 blooming,
 on the other side.
  
 She shines with beauty.
  
 She talks of her pain of surgery, confusion.
 Who was she? Was she a she?
 Without her breasts.
  
 She talked of her new blooming
 And of the flowering tattoo
 That was her new me.
 More than breasts.
  
 We are more than breasts or scars or bodies.
  
 She was the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met.

Reassembling Part 5: Tyler’s gifts of leaves and twigs

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We celebrated Tyler’s 2nd Birthday while we were in Texas! His often quick and cherub-like smile always melted my heart. And  he was such a very busy boy! Among many other things, every time we were outside he made it a deliberate point to often, and delightedly, bring to “Poppa Dan” a handful of leaves and twigs and Fall dirt. I was honored to receive such gifts!
Below are 2 photos of Tyler OF his most recent gifts. One photo is while “Momma Stu” and “Poppa Dan” were having their picture taken. The second photo is of the breathtakingly beautiful and uniques wood twigs in my hand that he had shared with me. Each twig is gloriously small, and worn, and unique, and gorgeous. Treasures that I would not have seen in my sorrow. Great gifts indeed. Thank you Tyler!

Reassembling, Part 3: Baby Colin and New Baby Warmth and Closeness to Heaven

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The following quote rings so true to me “We are remade in times of grief, broken apart and reassembled.” from The Wild Edge of Sorrow by Francis Weller 2015 page 1

This series is how our trip to Texas to visit Bryan and Sarah, and our grandchildren Tyler and Colin, was/is such a precious part in my slow “reassembling.”

There is something primordial, and peaceful, and reassuring, in that warm puddle of warmth that is sleeping baby Colin on my shoulder.
It makes me smile when I see the picture below of Susan, my love, holding baby Colin, enjoying that warmth and loving that baby.
And I have deep sensory memory of my holding Colin, of his radiating warmth,  reassuring, and deeply tranquil. And I love his new-baby smell, and the softness of his skin as I gently kiss his head. And I too, protect and love him. This, is also a wonderful gift of grace, helping me reassemble.
But there is a wisdom, and a still-closeness-to-heaven that I know but cannot prove. But I know it and believe it to my core.
I see evidence of that in the picture below of Bryan and Colin. In that moment, in that precious and passing moment, there is a wisdom that shines and communicates between Colin and Bryan. Do you also see that baby Colin wisdom, shining in the baby’s eyes, in that moment of connection?
I also see evidence in the picture below of Colin looking at me as I take his picture. His hand in that moment reaches out to me, there is a wisdom and compassion in his eyes. A gentle proof to me of his still-closeness-to-heaven. That moment passes, but for that instant it was there.
The wonder of a world that I only partly perceive, and the warmth, compassion, and beauty  of baby Colin, help reassemble me. Thank you God, thank you Colin.

Reassembling, Part 1: Eternity Symbols combined into Cross Statue at Flower Mound Botanical Garden

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The following quote rings so true to me “We are remade in times of grief, broken apart and reassembled.” from The Wild Edge of Sorrow by Francis Weller 2015 page 1

This series is how our trip to Texas to visit Bryan and Sarah, and our grandchildren Tyler and Colin, was/is such a precious part in my slow “reassembling.”

Below is a small statue at the Flower Mound Botanical garden that has very strong symbolic and personal meaning to me. A cross made up of two eternity Mobius symbols at right angles to each other.

I am Christian (and Buddhist, and Native American believer, and transcendentalist). The cross is a powerful symbol to me.  It reminds me of my loving and caring God.  In Revelation 21:4 it says “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” That statue moves me and gives me hope that my tears will also be wiped away.
Making the cross out of two eternity signs at right angles to each other, made up of Mobius symbols is also fascinating and deeply moving to me at very deep levels. There is no finding of an end to a mobius symbol, it goes on forever, and to have twoMobius symbols at right angles to each other adds yet another 90 degree dimension to a never ending eternity.
For me this statue is a deep symbol of eternal love that is far beyond my comprehension in this limited body and mind and eternal soul. I see it, don’t fully understand, but am deeply moved.